Doomed Before We Ever Started
by kee-chan
Summary: It is the night of Katara's wedding, and cries out in pain upon realizing the gravity of her mistake. She longs for man that she fell in love with: a man she couldn't ever have. Zutara. Eight years after the end of the war. I promise the writing in the story is better than this summary crap.


**Hey People! This is my first ever story for Zutara, aka the ship that I sail so passionately it floats! This is a post-war fic. I hope y'all enjoy! Please review!**

**Love much, **  
**Kee-chan. **

**I don't own these characters, wah.**

* * *

There were no words that she could use to describe the pain she was feeling. It consumed her whole chest, aching her exhausted mind and body. She stared at her reflection with tears in her eyes and banged on the mirror and the sink, wishing the pain to just go away. _Why wouldn't it go away? Why won't you let me be? I want to be numb. Give me my numbness back._

She ferociously grabbed her robes and pulled at them. She wanted nothing more than to rip them off. She couldn't breathe in them. She couldn't fucking breathe. _Take them off! Take them off! _She heard a rip, and she pulled on the delicate white fabric until they slipped off her body. She kicked them to the corner and stared at her face in the mirror, disgusted at her appearance. She couldn't stop crying.

She turned on the sink and quickly removed all her makeup, and let down her hair from the complicated up-do, throwing every pin on the floor. She looked back at her reflection and sighed, finally recognizing herself. Still, the pain did not reside. _I doubt it ever would. _Her hand touched the place on her chest where her mother's betrothal necklace usually sat. _I miss you._

She collapsed on the floor and hugged her knees. _What have I done?_

She closed her eyes slowly, and her mind was quickly filled with memories of golden eyes, pale skin and long black hair. She hugged her knees tighter, and took one deep breath.

_I married the wrong man._

* * *

Katara slowly opened her eyes and saw grey eyes stare back at her. The same grey eyes that have kept her company for the last eight years. "Aang?" His fingers cupped her face, and she forced out a small smile. The numbness came back. She welcomed the lack of feeling.

"What happened? We couldn't find you after the ceremony, and we were all so worried." He truly looked concerned, and she couldn't help but feel guilty. She tried to hide her guilt.

She sat herself up, and took a look at her surroundings. She was in their room. _Ah, shit._ She sighed, "I'm sorry." She provided no explanation, and she knew he wouldn't question him. He had complete faith in her, and never doubted her. _No matter how much I wish he would. Maybe things would be different._

"It's alright Katara." Aang's hands left her face, and he wrapped his arms around her tightly and buried his face in her hair. "How does it feel being officially married?"

Katara immediately burst into tears, and let herself fall into his arms. She felt so week. "I can't believe that it really happened."

Little did Aang know, Katara was crying tears of utter sadness, and longing.

* * *

The announcement of Aang and Katara's marriage had been announced to him in the morning. He hadn't attended, due to "Fire Lord business." In reality, it was a pathetic excuse. Katara wedding someone else was not something he could bear to watch.

Not only because he loved her, but because of the pain she would show. Pain that he could see plain as day. Pain that every one else was oblivious to. Pain that he felt too. He hated seeing her so broken.

He had been sitting at his desk since yesterday afternoon, holding her mother's betrothal necklace in his hand, hoping that she changed her mind. Deep inside he knew that Katara wouldn't. She was always so devoted to her responsibilities, and to her appearances. "Zuko, it's what the world is expecting," she would say with tears in her eyes.

He undid his topknot, and felt his hair fall to the middle of his back. Katara loved his hair when it was down. He ran his hand through his hair and imagined Katara running her own fingers through his straight locks with that beautiful smile she would always give him.

_Come back to me._

* * *

She was reluctantly ecstatic that Aang's busy schedule didn't allow them to have honeymoon. She didn't know what she would do if she were caught in that position. That's a step she didn't think she'd ever be ready for it really. They never consummated their relationship. Aang wasn't really interested in things like that, he was a monk at heart. Though it would be a matter of time before the people of the world expected little airbending children. _I hope that day never comes._

Katara and Aang had been together since the end of the war. She was fourteen, and he was twelve. They were so young, and Katara fell in love with the idea of being part of the Avatar's life forever. She expected big things to happen to him, and she had already invested so much, she felt as though their relationship was inevitable. It was obvious that Aang loved her.

By the time she reached seventeen, she realized that she would never fall for Aang the way she thought she would.

They were visiting Zuko in the Fire Nation when she realized that her and Aang would never work out.

She had fallen in love with Fire Lady Mai's husband.

* * *

_It happened so fast. It was supposed to be just a visit. _One minute Katara was arguing with him about policy in the Fire Nation, and the next minute they shared the most intimate, life-changing kiss in the world. He wasn't sure who leaned in first. He wasn't sure how he had temporarily forgotten he was married. All he could think of at the moment was how right it felt with her. He was sure she felt the same way too.

They avoided each other for the next two days. They both felt completely guilty. At the time, Zuko was trying to get Mai pregnant, because an heir was expected out of him already by the people of the Fire Nation. He supposed the reason why they were unable to conceive then because there was no love between them. The action of procreation was a chore and it felt like a duty to his country to fuck his wife.

He had found her late at night in one of the many private gardens around the palace. She was laying in the grass in nothing but her night robe. Aang had gone to one of the many villages in the Fire Nation to spread his word of peace. She was probably lonely. _Lonely and beautiful._

Zuko smiled as he recalled what had happened next. He didn't exactly know how he ended up laying down next to her, but he was all of a sudden there. They were both on their sides facing each other. Katara used one of her arms to prop her head up, and Zuko had mimicked her pose, while trying not to loosen his top knot. They hadn't said one word to each other yet.

They spent twenty minutes in silence and Zuko had watched her as she used her free hand to play with the grass between them. He felt his hand reach out to hers, and he did nothing to stop it from doing so. It's what his heart was telling him to do. It gently landed on her hand, and he softly squeezed it.

Katara quickly looked up from her hand and straight into his eyes, and she pulled her hand back as if she was burned. _I've never seen Katara so scared._

"I'm sorry.." He turned away from her to hide his embarrassment and underlying disappointment. He was just about to get up and walk away, when he felt her body press up against his back, and felt her arm wrap tightly around him. Her warmth spread all over him. He relished in the feeling.

He could feel her breath on the back of his neck and he was just about to question her when she said, "Please don't talk." So he didn't. No words needed to be said. No explanations needed to be given.

_We were doomed before we even started._

* * *

Katara could remember how her heart stopped and started again as she nuzzled her nose in Zuko's neck that night. She could remember exactly how she felt when he turned to face her again, and embraced her with small kisses on her head. She could still feel the butterflies when she realized that her and Zuko's bodies were so intertwined that she couldn't tell where one person started and the other ended. She could recall how…

She was pulled back into reality when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She was on Appa. "Katara? We're almost there." She turned around to see Aang. He was smiling brightly and was dressed in his traditional monk robes. They were just about to arrive in the Fire Nation. Aang was scheduled to speak at the first ever graduation ceremony of an academy built by Zuko himself. It was a school opened for the lower class of the Fire Nation, or the laborers, so they could further their knowledge and bring the Fire Nation further into a new era of peace and new trade. The school had been Katara's idea, and Zuko was quick to build it.

To be honest, she dreaded the idea of coming to the Fire Nation so quickly after the wedding. She hadn't seen or spoken to Zuko in a year and a half, not since she left him for good. She closed her eyes and realized that she could almost feel Zuko's presence coming closer and closer, as if her heart was slowly building itself back up knowing that she'd be able to see him again.

The last time she had seen him had been so so so horrible.

Memories started rushing through her head.

"Please Katara, stay here, please Katara please!" He had looked so broken, as he ran after her, begging her to stay. It was so unlike the strong Zuko that every one recognized.

She pushed the memory out of her head when she realized that Appa had brought them close enough to see the Fire Nation palace. She stopped breathing. _Zuko._

* * *

A guard had knocked on his office door. "Come in." He glanced up from his paperwork, and saw that the guard was accompanying his wife Mai. He dropped the documents in his hand, and already knew the news that was to be given.

Fire Lady Mai was the first to speak. "Avatar Aang and his wife Lady Katara have arrived."

He didn't know if he was able to hide the emotions he was feeling at the moment. In fact, he didn't know exactly what he was feeling. Hurt? Excitement? He put on the straightest face he could muster. "Thank you. Shall you accompany me Fire Lady Mai?"

Mai bowed her head, "Of course dear." He was about to put his hair the traditional top knot, when he decided otherwise. He would put half of it up, and leave the rest down. He was struggling to fix his hair when Mai walked behind him and proceeded to help him.

"Thank you." He imagined it was Katara running her fingers through his hair. She could practically hear her giggle. She adored his hair because it was "perfect." He allowed himself to smile a little. Mai couldn't see his face anyway.

He often wondered if Mai knew about his relationship with Katara. She had never brought it up, and she had never acted differently when Katara was around, or whenever she was brought up in conversation. He sighed.

She pulled his hair one last time. "There you go. Now, let's go greet our guests." He stood up, and waited for Mai to loop her arm into his. He then placed his free hand on top of hers. It was what they have been doing for the past years of marriage. It was his normal. It was his ordinary.

_This is my life. _

* * *

They walked towards the entrance of the palace, and waited at the main gates for their guests. He held Mai closer as he saw the figures of Aang and Katara come closer.

Katara had finally come close enough for him to see her face, and he could feel his heart beating faster and faster. She was more beautiful than he could remember. Her hair was down, but she still kept her loops in. He watched closely as she lowered her head. She followed her gaze and realized that the Avatar had locked hands with hers. He felt a raging jealousy that he could barely control. He could feel it eating him alive as he imagined the softness of her skin.

She looked up again, and he could see that she had no facial expression. Her face was passive, almost as if she didn't know what emotion was. It was the face of someone who had given up. _Oh, Katara._

* * *

Katara did the best she could to ignore the feelings bubbling in her chest. She pushed them away until she couldn't feel a thing. _The numbness is back. _

She noticed how close Zuko and Mai were, she did, but she refused to tie any specific emotion to it.

She heard Aang start to speak. "Fire Lord Zuko and Fire Lady Mai. It's been so long! It breaks my heart that neither of you were able to attend our wedding!" Aang squeezed her hand that he was holding and faced Katara smiling just as bright as always. She returned it with her overly practiced fake smile, but as soon as he turned away, her face turned to stone once again.

Katara gave herself a mental pat on the back for lasting this long already. She quickly glanced at Zuko, and saw that he was staring right at her. She felt one of her walls fall, so she looked away quickly so she could build it back up again.

Mai was the one to respond. "We apologize deeply. Fire Lord Zuko and I absolutely couldn't leave the nation. He's in the middle of passing new policy, you see and…" Mai was cut off by crying.

The four turned and saw a small child of around one year of age, slowly walking, or rather wobbling his way towards them. The child, a boy, stopped right in front of Zuko, and raised his little chubby arms in the air and yelled, "Up! Up! Up!" Katara watched slowly as Zuko bent down to pick him up.

He waited until he was holding the boy comfortably in his arms before he spoke.

"This is our son, Rei, the heir to my throne."

It was then that every single wall Katara had built up for this reunion had broken.

* * *

**To be continued...**


End file.
